I love my friends to death. Gosh, they are so awesome. But sometimes, when I am feeling down 😦 they say things that don’t make the situation any better.
For example my oh so single life. When I’m clearly upset about girls in particular…I usually get this response (usually from my friends in relationships).
“Don’t worry, you will find her one day!”
I know that my friends are doing and saying everything to make me feel better…but frankly the last couple months I started to get really mad at this reply.
I would think, “Wow, really? Do you think so? (sarcastic internal monologue).”
Or, “That is such a cliche response do you have anything else for me. Any nugget of actually helpful information?”
But, on the outside, I usually just reply, “You are right. I then huff a little bit and move on.
However, I started to realize that I was not upset because of my friends’ cliche responses. I was upset about what their statement implied.
By telling me “not to worry” and that I will “find her” is affirming my belief that I am not enough on my own. It is implying that I need someone to make me feel whole. It is insinuating that once that magical person enters my life I will have no need to worry. This just added to the societal pressure and expectation to find the love of my life. NOW.
As a Christian I have a problem with this idea.
The desire to be liked, loved, wanted, and appreciated by members in our community seems to be drawing us away from Him.
Vanity and pride are rampant.
It took me a while to have this realization. Frankly, it took me until last weekend. I was hanging out with a bunch of my friends. As a single guy, I felt like this would be a good time to talk with girls I had never met before. Over the course of the night, I realized that everything I said or thought had no substance. It was all a game for personal gain.
I knew what I could say to be liked.
I knew how I could dress to be perceived as “cool.”
I knew how to act to draw attention to myself.
It was all fake.
In this moment, I came to understand the meaning behind all the blog posts, articles, and conversations that discuss making your relationship with God above any relationship expectations on this earth. In this moment, I came to understand that my FOCUS was off.
My desire for a relationship with a woman was clouding my relationship with God.
God is not fake. He is the only reality we have. Therefore, why was I seeking fulfillment in women? What was my intention while interacting with women?
With this blog post I don’t mean to be like all those bloggers that say, “I give up on men/women. I’m a strong independent man/woman and blah blah blah.” Girls are great! Love em! Hoping to meet the future Mrs. Bellacicco someday.
However, the whole point is that even when I am married I know I will not feel peace unless God is central. Even when I am in a relationship, I will not feel peace unless God is central. Even when I am as single as I am now (which is pretty darn single) I will not feel fulfilled unless God is central. There is a peace that comes with understanding this concept.
My Bioethics teacher told a great story the other day in class. He said that circus elephants are chained when they are young, to prevent them from escaping, until they are a few months older. Over time, the circus crew takes off the chain and the elephant doesn’t escape. Why? Because it still believes that it is chained. It knows no better.
I felt CHAINED by the expectations of society to be liked. I felt CHAINED when I tried to be someone I was not to impress a pretty girl. I felt CHAINED when I acted out of character in order to blend in.
It is freeing to come to understand that by focusing our eyes on God we will break the chains and find our freedom with Him.
In conclusion, I have a new found hatred for the word SINGLE.
To be single…implies loneliness.
To be single…implies a need for someone.
To be single…implies sorrow.
If the past week has taught me anything it has taught me:
Peace is only found when you break free from the chains of vanity and pride and fix your eyes on Christ. With Him you are never SINGLE because you are His Everything.