” Nick, are you a virgin?”
This was the question one of the more popular kids asked me in front of a group of guys my freshman year. As many of you know, no matter what you have/haven’t done, this question is very personal.
“Why does it matter?” I thought. I tried to avoid the question but the group of guys wasn’t having it.
As I stood there, the question seemed to echo across the room.
Everyone was quiet.
Everyone stared at me waiting for a response.
In this moment, a lot of thoughts passed through my mind.
The first thought was that I really wanted to be respected by these guys. I was starting school all over again halfway across the country. I wanted to make friends. I wanted to be liked. I knew what guys wanted to hear. I knew the “image” of a popular college bro #swag. According to the handbook of “locker room” talk it can be summed up pretty easily…
more girls= more respect.
The second thought that crossed my mind was a piece of advice given to me by one of my friends. This individual told me that if I was ever EVER asked this question in college, I should not tell the truth. This individual respected my view, she also held the same view, but she said it was not worth it. She told me that no one would understand and that it would just be constantly brought up…”________doesn’t have sex because blah blah blah…*cue laughter*” She told me the ridicule would never end.
Next, I started thinking about my beliefs on the matter. I reflected on my belief that sex is beautiful. It is a gift given to us by God to allow a man/woman (husband/wife) to become one flesh. A gift that not only leads to unity, but also new life. I thought about all the pain I had seen in the eyes of my male and female friends who broke up with their significant other and had given their whole self to that individual. I heard them tell me, “I wish I had waited.” I felt as though they had lost a little piece of them into the world that they would never be able to get back.
Lastly, I started to think about my future wife. I thought about my wedding day. I thought about looking into her eyes and saying, “I am so happy I waited for you.”
“Well are you or not?” he said.
Taking a deep breath I replied, “Yes I am.”
I then started to discuss my desire to wait until marriage.
There was silence for a moment. This well-respected/popular guy turned to me and said, “Respect.” He then changed the topic.
This moment in my life has been instrumental in shaping who I am. It was in this moment that I realized I could hold to my beliefs even when the world (or the popular guy) questioned them in front of others. It was in this moment that I learned what it meant to not hide from my beliefs. It was in this moment that I learned the importance of making my morals into solid metal; rather than play-doh.
If I had said, “No, I’m not” I know I would regret it. I know that I would have went back into my dorm room upset that I did not have the courage.
I write this today because I know there are a lot of guys out there that think the same way I do. I encourage you today to be courageous and not let the opinions of others change your ways. This blog post is all about vulnerability in professing one’s beliefs. As a 21 year old male college student this information is usually kept hush hush. I have noticed that not a lot of young men seem to be talking about their desire to wait until marriage. A lot of young men are so afraid to say, “I am a virgin.” This upsets me. I wish that more males would publicly address this issue. I know when I was younger reading a post about a male waiting until marriage would have given me peace. It would have allowed me to understand that I am not alone. It would allow me to not feel so different.
I want to dedicate this blog post to my younger brothers Vincent and Michael. I pray that your morals become solid metal as you go out into the world.
*To all my readers…I want to remind you that I am not condemning you for any actions you have done. I am stating my belief and I hope, even if you do not agree, that you will be reminded of this blog when you meet someone who holds a similar belief. I encourage you to listen to that person and admire their courage in choosing to be vulnerable in order to advocate for their beliefs.