Self-hate ain’t great 

I talk to myself. 

No, not out loud. 

Hmmm wait. Maybe sometimes. 

But what I mean by this is that we all talk to ourselves. Everyday. In our minds. 

We hear our own voice more than we hear the voices of others. It is constant. 

When we get up in the morning. While showering. While eating breakfast. While studying. While getting ready for bed. 

Our thoughts are our voices. 

Today, I realized something. 

My self-talk is horrible. 

If I were to add up all the positive thoughts about myself, my situations, my day I would have a pretty small number. 

Whereas the negative talk would fill a room. 

“Get up now. You are gonna be late. Why do you always do this.”

“You are never going to learn this material. Why are you even doing this in the first place?”

“You procrastinated again. Are you serious? What is wrong with you?”

“No. Don’t wear that it looks stupid on you.”

Maybe it is just me. But I can bet there are many of us whose thoughts about oneself are more negative than positive. 

When I look back on my childhood this was definitely not the case. My thoughts were something like this:

“If I practice I can totally be a professional soccer player.”

“I like waking up in the morning. Dad makes good breakfast.” 

“I like taking breaks from my homework. I know I will get it done later.” 

It is very interesting to me that as a child my self talk was mostly positive. I saw opportunity rather than failure. My motivation was new possibility not new failure. 

Christ says it in the Bible. We need to be like children. We need that type of faith in ourselves and in Our Lord. Negative self talk is only pushing us from Him. 

When I was on the playground in elementary school. I had to jump off the ledge and reach for the monkey bars. The only way I did this was to remind myself: You can do this. You are capable.”

Friends, I am asking you today this question. How can you make a leap of faith when you don’t even trust yourself to jump?

Today, my internal dialogue becomes different. My you cants will become you wills. My self hatred will become self confidence. My view of failure will become a view of opportunity. 

Try it out. Let’s make the jump together. 

A Millennial’s Guide to Restlessness 

Hey Millennials!

I am here to give you a ten step guide on how to feel restless every single day of your life. Not just 5 days a week. BUT EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! Yes, this is a great deal. For a one time payment of your entire life I will teach you how to drown yourself in anxiety and despair. This guide was composed based on experience and stories of experts. 

Thank you for your purchase. 

Enjoy! 
10 Steps to Restlessness: A Millennial’s Guide



1. Zeal is coffee 

You want zeal? You want to feel passionate about something? If that’s the case drink as much coffee as you can. One cup not doing it? Try two or three! Eventually you will become so addicted you will feel like you are doing work when you actually aren’t! What a score. Your high heart rate and energetic attitude will feel almost as if you are passionate about something! And that silly crash? Don’t worry about it! Just drink another. And another. And another. 

2. Emotions and rabid squirrels.  

In order to stay restless you must never tell anyone about how you are feeling. Whether it be a loving parent or a friend. I repeat. Don’t tell them! Bottle it up and let it run around in you like a rabid squirrel. The emotions such as anger and sadness are especially powerful! If you have those boy are you lucky! Lock them up inside you and throw away that key. 

3. Every follower is your best friend

Treat every Instagram follower and Facebook friend as your bff for life. If they do not like a photo something must be wrong with you! Use this to question yourself continuously for hours as to why you aren’t good enough. Every time someone unfollows you it must be because you are a terrible person. Once again, the key here is to think about all the times in the past when people made fun of you and try to see what they see. They are obviously your best friends, so they must be right.

4. Stay in Bed 

In order to stay restless stay in bed for hours. Use this time to ruminate about all of your life’s troubles. For a double effect go on social media while in bed. Don’t get up early and see the sun rise. Don’t take deep breaths and think about all you are grateful for in this world. Don’t count sheep. Count your problems. We all got at least 99 right? That should do the trick.  

5. Frowning is the new smile

Turn that frown right side up and show it off to the world! If you smile you may actually feel happiness. Avoid that at all costs. Frown at your parents. Frown at loved ones! Frown at strangers! Let that sorrow fill you up. Restlessness will soon follow. 

6. Throw away your sneakers

Do you own a nice pair of nifty tennis shoes? Throw them out! Like to participate in sports and workout? Forget it. Working out will only give you peace of mind. That is not what we are looking for here! In order to stay restless rid yourself of all workout clothes. To be sure only wear jeans from now on. A really tight pair. That way it is impossible. Whenever you feel like working out refer to tip #4. 

7. Avoid loved ones

At all costs avoid the people that love you. When at the dinner table use your phone. When at a family party sit in the corner. When hanging out with friends preoccupy yourself with social media. In order to feel restless you must work on destroying these relationships. If an individual starts initiating deep conversation counter it with “I’m good.”  Works every time. However, if the person is persistent flee to the bathroom and use this down time to check social media. 

8. Rest and Relaxation:waste of time 

If you are resting you obviously need to be doing something else. If you ever catch yourself catching your breath be quick to think about your to do list.  Always have it handy on your smartphone. When you go to the beach or a mountain to hike make sure you check this list every few minutes. Studies show that the more times you check the list the more things get added to it. It also helps increase heart rate and blood pressure! Yippie! 

9. Your dreams are impossible

Why act when your dreams are impossible? So don’t! It is that simple. First start by thinking about how worthless you are. Then think about how much better everyone is around you. When impossibility becomes a possibility you know you are at the right place. All of your dreams will soon fade away! 

10. Prayer? Talk to Siri 

Why pray when you can talk to Siri! Through prayer you are only finding true peace through God. Why would you want that? God is the opposite of restlessness. Instead, it is much better to ask Siri all  of the questions you have. God may be calling you to change the direction of your life, but the GPS is right there!
There you have it. Follow these 10 steps and you will have the best restless life possible. 

I.Just.Don’t.Know.

Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? Are these people good for me? Are these people bad for me? What is a friend? Am I a good friend? Do I tell my friends I love them enough? Why am I so mean to those I love? What is love? If God is love, why don’t I love Him enough? Do I love anyone enough? Where am I going? Why am I here? Is my calling really my calling? Am I deceiving myself? Do people like me? Is my hair messed up? Did I say the right thing to her? Did I speak from my heart or my brain? Who am I? Did I just say that? Did I just think that? Why don’t I care enough? Why am I so tired? Am I lonely? Am I afraid? Why am I afraid if He is right here? Is He right here? Yes, He is, but why are you questioning? Why is this class so hard? Why am I so stressed? Did I make him upset? Did I pray today? Did I pray at all the last week? If God is my #1 priority why do I give Him the least time? Am I a hypocrite? Am I a Pharisee? If, I’m not hot….I must be lukewarm? Did I leave the iron on? Why is my room such a mess? Why am I such a mess? When do I intervene when I see wrong? Why is he doing that he knows better? Who am I to judge? Why didn’t I cry…I should have cried? Am I hurting? Is it okay to be hurting? Do I show my family enough love? Do I just follow the motions? Am I selfish? Am I jealous of others? Does the good I do outweigh the bad? Am I bad? What good do I do? Do I act when I should? Do I care about the poor? What is heaven like? Will I get there one day? When I see my life before my eyes will I cry? Of sadness? Of happiness? Of anger? Why is it so hot in this room? How many hours of sleep are necessary? Will I ever get married? What will she be like? Will I have kids? Boys? Girls? Maybe, I will be sterile? Maybe, my wife will be sterile? Will I adopt? Do I care to much about being in a romantic relationship? Does that count as lust? Does that count as pride? Am I humble? Do I have a relationship with God? Do I read the Bible enough? Am I a hypocrite? Why can’t I cry? What do I even need to look for in a potential spouse? Are my prayers heard? Why is this seat so uncomfortable? What will I get on my Anatomy test Tuesday? Why does my heart race when I am taking a test? Why am I so nervous? Why do my hands shake when I ask her out? Gosh, why are my palms so sweaty? Why am I scared of people? Why am I so afraid of connecting? Am I afraid of people?  If I am an extrovert why do I want to sleep all day? Do I love myself enough? Is it humble to say that? Why can’t I help him? How can I help her get through this moment? Did I call today? Why didn’t you call today? Why did you ignore that call? Why did you go out of your way to avoid them? Do they know that I love them? Does the stranger know that I love him/her? Why did I act like that in high school? Why didn’t I have courage to stand up against the crowd? How can I love strangers? How can I love enemies? Do I have enemies? How can I love God? What is my purpose? What is my will for myself? No, what is God’s will for me? Where am I going? Why am I here? Who am I?

“Although I guess if I knew tomorrow
I guess I wouldn’t need faith
I guess if I never fell, I guess I wouldn’t need grace
I guess if I knew His plans, I guess He wouldn’t be God
So maybe I don’t know, maybe I don’t know
Maybe I don’t know, maybe I don’t know
But maybe that’s okay”-Jon Bellion

Love BEARS All Things

Getting back from a run, I walked down into my basement to grab a cold gatorade.  As I opened the fridge, I saw an art project attached to the fridge with a magnet.  It was of a bear holding a vibrant red heart that said,

“Love Bears All Things.”

I was surprisingly taken a back by this piece of elementary school artwork.  I continued to stare at this bear, which was held together by a glue stick from my little brother’s pre-K class.  However, now the art ignited a fire in my heart.  Pondering the words that rested at the center of the heart and the bear, I was reminded of all the events that have been going on at Baylor.

A raging sea of mixed emotions have been scattered all over social media.

People are angry.

People are hurt.

People are scared.

Knowing all this, I chose not to say anything.  I felt that by the grace of God Baylor would find her peace.  However, after seeing this small reminder on the fridge my heart filled with joy.  I recollected on all Baylor has done for me the last past three years.  I was reminded of how Baylor has taught me the treasure that is Love.

Baylor has shown me that Love DOES Bear All things.

Everything that happened to these young women is disgraceful.  I have a younger sister going into her freshman year next year.  I love her more than anything.  To even think about someone taking advantage or mistreating her tears my heart apart.  I cannot only imagine the pain these women are going through, but also the pain of their fathers, mothers, grandparents, siblings etc.  To all the women that went through such a traumatic experience at Baylor,  I pray that you find comfort.  Speaking for all of Baylor nation, we apologize not for certain things, but for EVERYTHING.

Due to what has taken place, the Baylor I know and love is being viewed as a place that does not demonstrate love.  Quite frankly, Baylor is seen as a failure.  I agree whole heartedly that mistakes were made and people are now hurt forever.  It is sickening.  However, now is the time to make amends and to be better.  Now is the time to show the world that Baylor University knows what it means to LOVE.

Living in Connecticut,  the people in my community only know the “social media Baylor.”  They do not know the treasure that awaits in Waco,TX.  They do not know that Baylor University taught a young freshman boy from Stamford, CT what it means to love.  When I say Baylor “taught” I mean ALL of Baylor.  The custodians, the professors, the students, the cafeteria workers, the administrators…everyone.

In order to show the world what I mean here are a few personal examples as to how Baylor University taught me LOVE.

Baylor taught me Love when…

I had missed my flight because my plane out of Waco was canceled.  All my new freshman friends had already left for summer.  The next morning I went outside with my bags.  I was cold.  It was raining.  It was 6:00am and I was waiting outside my dorm.  The bus was supposed to come at 6:15am.  It was now 7:00 am.  I still sat there.  The rain was beginning to soak my clothes, but if I went inside I might miss the bus.  It was now 8:00 am.  The bus never came.  A cafeteria worker took notice of me.  She came outside, gave me a water bottle, and a hot pastry.  She offered to drive me to Dallas.  I thanked her and still waited.  A few minutes later, a Baylor student pulled up in her car.  She looked at me and asked if I was okay.  I told her the story and she said she would drive me to Dallas.  I asked her where she was headed.  She was headed the opposite way.  She insisted but I politely said thank you.  The cold was not so cold anymore.

Baylor taught me Love when…

It was the first few weeks of freshman year.  I was stressed.  I had a science test the next morning.  I was a nervous pre-med student.  It was 1:00am.  I was tired and sick of the workload.  College was not fun.  Trying to grab my bike off the rack, I could not get it out.  It was stuck.  Trying harder and harder, eventually I gave up.  Outside the library was desolate.  Picking up my biology book, I was about to throw it on the ground.  I wanted to let all this anger out.  Out of nowhere, I heard a small voice behind me.  A girl asked, “Do you need any help?”  Just like that my bike was free and the stranger was gone.

Baylor taught me Love when…

I walk into Hospice each week.  I watch the sick and dying patients smile, laugh, and joke with all of the Baylor student volunteers.

Baylor taught me Love when…

I witness dozens of Baylor students excited to get up at 5:30am on Friday morning to serve the poor breakfast and to converse with them.

Baylor taught me Love when…

That professor invited my class to have dinner at his home.  That professor that takes the time to help me pursue my dream.  That professor that hands me his umbrella as it begins to rain.

In conclusion, in light of everything that has occurred, it is time for Baylor nation to bear all things through love.

Love the women that have been hurt.

Love every student that walks onto our campus.

Love your friends…and your enemies.

Most important of all, love He who gives us peace in the most heart aching moments.

Love is the answer Baylor nation.

1 Corinthians 13:7 

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